„Woody’s” bar had stars at their ceiling in the back room. Of course, they weren’t real stars, just some plastic ones, no doubt put there especially for people like me, to see how far you have to reach to touch what you really want or whom you want. I could cheat and take a chair, step on it and touch them, with my 5ft 10 inches height it would be nothing. But cheating wasn’t how I wanted to do it. My philosophycal thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door: „Five minutes, missy!” This is it, I thought.  No going back now, you have to do this, girl! I looked at my best friend, sitting in the corner. I liked to call her Mi Mi. I know it’s not a smart name,  but I think my friend likes it. I took her in my hands. I didn’t think of her as an „it”, even if she was only an acoustic guitar. Mi Mi has been with me for these past eleven years. Ever since mom gave her to me on my tenth birthday. I’ll always remember that birthday, not because it was my one o, not even because of Mi Mi, but because of what my mom told me that evening.
„Honey, there is something I need to talk to you about!” my mother had said that day after I had blown out all ten candles in my birthday cake and wished for my yearly birthday wish – to have an elder brother, who would take care of me, play with me, guard me and be my hero. I noticed she had teary eyes. But I didn’t know why. Then she continued: „Do you remember how you have always asked me why you didn’t have any brothers and sisters, like your friend Linda?”
„Yes, and you told me that some things are just the way they are and we can’t always explain them,” I replied.
„Yes, well, honey, that’s not completely true,” my mom said.
„You mean, you can explain, why it is that I don’t have a brother or a sister?” I had asked.
„No, honey, what I wanted to say, is that you have a brother, an elder brother,” my mom said in a sweet voice. I remember how I had sat there with my eyes wide open in shock and hands trembling. I had a brother, just like I always wished I had. And what’s more, an elder brother. I had an elder brother, who would be my hero.
„Honey, are you ok? Did you hear what I said?” my mom had asked in a concerned voice.
„Where is he, why isn’t he here? ”
„Oh, honey, how can I explain this? You see, he’s your half brother. Your daddy was married before he met me. Your brother is his son from his first wife.”
„I see. But where is he now?” I had persisted. I had just found out that I had a brother, I wanted to meet him, to tell him that I love him.
„He lives in Pittsburgh.”
And that was the only thing my mom ever told me about my brother, that he lived in Pittsburgh. No matter how I tried to ask her, no matter how I pleaded with every coming year, she didn’t say anything. And since my dad had died from cancer when I was six, I couldn’t ask him. I didn’t have any other relatives except for my mom, and well, for my brother, now, so I was on my own. When I became eighteen years old, I bought an old car, packed my bags and went in search for my brother. I finally found him last month.  His name is Brian Kinney. I had worked two jobs in order to pay to the private detective I had hired. My mom died the next year when I had left for Pittsburgh and had left me 5 thousand dollar check. She had saved it for my college. I used it to pay for my living, since all my salary went for private detective services. But it had paid off. For tonight I would finally see him. I knew he came here every night with his friends, so I wasn’t fearing the chance that all this would be for nothing.  It would be my first public appearance on stage. I knew I had a good voice, some people had said that I should think about doing it professionally. This was my first try in front of a live audience. I wanted my brother to be with me, even if he didn’t know about me, his presence was enough for now. It had taken me a month to put up all my courage and see him, I didn’t want to spoil this moment.
„It’s time, missy! Come here, the guys are waiting!” Woody’s owner called from the other side of the door. I took a deep breath and went to open the door. His name was Marty and he was a man in his forties. I wouldn’t call him handsome but he had a charm about him. I guessed he had his fair share of compliments from lots of guys who frequented his establishment.
„Your fans are waiting!” he said.
„They aren’t my fans yet, Marty, we’ll know about that only after my performance.” I said smiling.
„Well, I say, they’re gonna love you. I know how you can sing, you had an audience before, remeber? And besides if I say you’re good, then you are good. So go get them, missy!” he shoved me lightly in the direction where the small stage was.
„Thanks, Marty, I really aprecciate it!” I said gratefully.
„You can thank me later, now go!”
I had to ask him only one more thing. „Hey, Marty, is...umm...is Brian Kinney here?”
Marty looked surprised. Then he just snorted. „Kinney charm puts spell on everyone, whether it’s a guy or female. You know he’s gay, right?”
„I know, just tell me, is he here?”
Marty just shook his head. „He is, came in not five minutes ago.”
He was here! He really was here!
„Ok, thanks, I’m going now.” I said as my steps  already took me closer and closer to the stage.
I went inside the bar main room and without looking at anyone stepped on the small stage located at the right side of the room. Marty came right after me and as I seated myself on a bar chair, which was positioned at the center of the stage, he introduced me as this night’s artist. My heart was pounding, but I ordered myself to breathe slowly and to calm myself. Then I raised my head and searched the crowd. And... oh my, God, there he was and he really was beautiful. Even God like. Just like in the picture that my private detective had shown me the day he told me my half brother’s name. He was sitting at the bar and drinking beer. He was wearing black jeans and a white shirt which was opened and revealed a white tank top underneath it. His head was turned towards another guy who was sitting with him at the bar. I realized that everybody had gone quiet in the room. The guy that was sitting with my brother noticed the quiet, too and raised his head towards me. Then he tapped on my brother’s shoulder and now he too, raised his head and looked directly back at me. Our eyes met and at that moment I surely stoped breathing. My right hand lifted on it’s own accord and I began to play.

If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me

As I continue to sing, my eyes never leave his, as his eyes never leave mine...

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

This music's irresistible
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure
I guess you heard it all before

Mister Inaccessible
Will this ever change
One thing that remains the same
You're still a picture in a frame

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

The crowd now has disappeared. There is no one in the room but me and my brother. The time has stopped. And I continue to sing my heart out for him...

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
That's where I'll be found
Yeah yeah

„You mean, you can explain, why it is that I don’t have a brother or a sister?” I had asked. „No, honey, what I wanted to say, is that you have a brother, an elder brother.”

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
Am I the only one
Ooh

As I finish there are tears in my eyes. Silence covers the room. Then suddenly everyone starts applauding. Everyone, except for one person. My brother. Brian Kinney.

Song credits: Anouk - Lost