Chapter 4

New York

I opened my eyes. It was dark. I looked around. I surely was in my bedroom – I recognized it even in dark. There was always dark in my bedroom because I couldn`t sleep in light and as I usually sleep in daytime curtains in my bedroom was always shut.
I tried to get up. My head was aching hard. Fuck, I guess I was drunk pretty hard last night.
I got out of my bedroom and went to kitchen. I needed coffee desperately. As I got there, coffee was ready in coffee machine. What the fuck? – I thought.
- Good morning.
It was birthday boy. He was sitting in my living room on big, purple cushion with sketch book in his hands. Living room was very bright from ceiling windows and I could clearly see how he flushed. He turned his gaze away. He seemed scrupled. And then I remembered – I was naked. I usually was naked in my temple. I felt free that way. Fuck, now I wasn`t alone anymore, he was living here, because I fucking let him last night. Fuck, I must have been out-of-my-fucking-mind drunk!
- Morning. – I just said and got myself a cup of coffee.
It was dark and strong. At least he knows how to make god coffee.
- `Vette is parked in underground parking. – I heard him say.
- Good. – I wasn`t gonna thank him or anything.
- I took most of my stuff this morning. – He said. He still wasn`t looking at me. – But I didn`t know in which room to put it.
There are two separate rooms beside my bedroom in temple. One is as I called it guest room. There`s a long time since someone has lived there… And the other room is smaller. I have my exercise machine in it. It`s more like pantry – I put there different stuff what I don`t need any more but can`t force myself to throw them out.
Now I see it at the front door of temple – his stuff. About ten or more different size canvas, laptop, two suitcases, three bags and one backpack. Fuck, it`s real – he is moving in! He`s forcing into my space, into my world. It`s almost a year since I had lived all alone and I thought I always would. It was just easier. Fuck, I`d better tried to save some money on Gucci and Prada, but no – I rented a fucking half of my space to little blonde artist with blue eyes. I am crazy!
- Next room to my bedroom. – I said to birthday boy.
I knew – even if I don`t want him here – don`t want anyone here – I just can`t make him go. I can`t send him away to the street. He said he have to move out of his apartment today. And where would he had gone if he didn`t had my place? Street? On the floor of his fucking gallery he told me he owned? No – I can`t send him there. I had lived though it myself years ago. I knew how it felt when you didn`t have where to go, didn`t have where to sleep. I knew how it felt when people were looking at you with whose condemnatory eyes when you try to wash your hair in public WC.
- Great. – He said. – I`ll put my stuff there. – He was still looking away.
Well, if we were about to live together – he will have to get over himself seeing me naked because I wasn`t about to change my habits.
- Look at me! – I said.
I saw his shoulders tensed.
- Look at me! – I repeated.
He turned his head very slowly and looked at me.
- Are you looking?
- Yes.
- Good. Now get used to the view because you will see it quite often if you`ll live here.
- I just… - He surely felt uncomfortable.
- You are gay and I am fucking lesbian. There shouldn’t be any tension. Besides I`m sure you have seen naked woman before, don`t you birthday boy. – I put cigarette in my mouth and lighted it.
- Yes, but…
- What? You feel fucking uncomfortable anyway. Save the baby talk to someone who cares. – I knew I was a bit harsh. Birthday boy looked nervous. And I felt a strange need to calm him down. I caught myself wanting to see him smiling. So I tried my best. – There are rules if you want to live here with me in temple. Get drank as hard as you want, smoke pot as often as you want. Take home tricks every night if you want because I surely will. And don`t worry about the sounds you make in bedroom – I like the sex talk and moans. And be ready – you will hear those a lot from my bedroom. Never ever touch my clothes or my shoes. You can feast yourself with my liquor, but never leave my bar dry because there are times when I can kill for a drink.
I blow out smoke of my mouth. It felt good. I saw that birthday boy was smiling. His gaze was turned on me and I didn`t see any signs of awkwardness in his face. Good.
- Is that all? – He asked.
I wrinkled my forehead.
- Well, no. – I went into living room closer to him. – You never touch my CDs or my music system. Seriously. You can watch TV, you can paint on terrace or here, but you never touch my music.
- Okay.
I chose CD and put it in player. The Gossip started to play “Heavy Cross”.

It's a cruel cruel world, to face on your own,
A heavy cross, to carry along,
The lights are on, but everyone's gone,
And it's cruel

It's a funny way, to make ends meet,
when the lights are out on every street,
It feels alright, but never complete,
without joy,

I checked you, if it's already been done, undo it,
It takes two, it's up to me and you, to proove it,
On the rainy nights, even the coldest days,
you're moments ago, but seconds away,
The principal of nature, it's true but, it's a cruel world,

ooooh oooh oohh, ooh ooh oooh ooh, ooo wooah

- And get used to the music – you gonna hear it every day. And not only from my CD`s. Sometimes there will come bands and play live music – mostly loud and angry music. I`m a music manager.
- Jack told me. – Birthday boy interrupted me.
- Good.
- Are there any other rules?
I stood naked about five feet from him, but he seemed okay with it. Good boy.
- Well… - I thought. – No fucking paint strains on my furniture. If you paint – open window. I don`t want to feel the smell and I don`t care if it`s cold or anything. Don`t eat my food, don`t use my makeup and never under any circumstances wake me up before midday.
Birthday boy laughed a little.
- Okay. – He said. – But I have some questions?
- Shoot!
- When I must give you my part of rent?
- Till 5th of each month.
- I put on the kitchen table money for this month.
- Good. Other questions?
- Well… can I walk around naked too?
I couldn`t help myself – I burst out in laugh. Birthday boy was smiling firmly.
- Of course you can. – I finally said. – Are there any other questions? Make it fast because I must get going. I have meeting in an hour.
- No, not for now. – Birthday boy answered. – Just one thing.
- What?
- My name is Justin, not birthday boy, Sydney.
- Whatever. – I said firmly. – See you later, birthday boy.
I swear I could hear laugh when I approached my bedroom.