SELLER: Gale Harold
LOCATION: Arbolada Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,300,000
SIZE: 2,566 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Updated mid-century duplex. Unit #1 3BR, 2 BA, Unit #2, 2BR, 2BA. High end kitchen and baths in owner's unit, 2nd unit in good condition w/ some upgrades. HUGE lot that is your own private oasis with meandering paths through native trees and plants.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The other day Your Mama received a covert communique from Lovely Leslie in Los Feliz who whispered in our ear that an actor named Gale Harold III had listed his mid-century doo-plex on Arbolada Road with an asking price of $1,300,000. Your Mama said, "Gale what? Harold who? Arbo- where?"

So, like we usually do when confused and confronted with a celebrity name we do not immediately recognize, we fired up our trusty laptop and started clicking and clacking on the keyboard. It was only a matter of minutes before we were able to put a familiar face to Gale Harold's unfamiliar name. Many of the children will know handsome Mister Harold as that dumb ass Susan Mayer's rebound boyfriend on the last season of Desperate Housewives. Mister Harold's stint on that program was cut short when he was injured in pretty serious motorcycle accident in the fall of 2008. Prior to that, his most notable and recognizable role would surely be as the libidinous and narcissistic ur-homosexual Brian Kinny on Queer as Folk. Some in the Lesbian Gay Bi and Transgender community whined that his role as excessively vain and hyper-horny only perpetuated negative stereotypes of a gay men. Others found the portrayal refreshingly transgressive and liberating and still others, those without sexual hang ups or a political axe to grind, just thought Mister Harold as Brian Kinney was nothing more than nine kinds of hot and sexy.

According to his resume on the IMDB, Mister Harold calls the pretty city of Toronto, Canada home, which is where Queer as Folk filmed back when it was still being filmed. However, according to property records–and Lovely Leslie in Los Feliz–Mister Harold owns a doo-plex property on a curvy cul-de-sac at the eastern edge of Los Feliz that he bought in March of 2005 for $794,500. The tri-level doo-plex is painted in two shades of baby poop, has a three car garage at street level and, according to property records and listing information, the two units combined measure 2,566 square feet.

Listing information barely describes the smaller, 2 bedroom and 2 pooper unit but does state it is in "good" condition with "some upgrades." Listen chickens, whenever Your Mama sees this kind of lackluster listing language we can't help but think that it's just real estate speak meant to downplay that the place is a hot mess with a dirty tenant. It's like all those naughty real estate brokers in Manhattan who use the word "cozy" when describing an apartment that has just one window that opens into an air shaft and is too damn small to stand in let alone live. Of course, we're not saying there's anything wrong with the second unit of Mister Harold's doo-plex because Your Mama don't know nuthin' from a mohair sweater. We're just saying you might want to throw your hazmat suit in the trunk iffin you go looking at this part of the doo-plex, just in case.

The larger of the two units, the "owner's unit," is a compact, single level set up with 3 bedrooms and 2 poopers. The front door opens directly into the living room which has wood floors, a fireplace, a wall mounted flat screen tee-vee and a bunch of furniture that looks like it came from one of the better Salvation Army thrift stores around town. While there are a few nice things in here–like the credenza under the window and the satellite light fixture above the dining room table–it's obvious Mister Harold did not consult a nice gay decorator on the day-core.

The kitchen and bathrooms have been given the once over by someone who appears to have some idea of what they're doing. The small kitchen has flat fronted cherry cabinetry–at least it looks like cherry–and all stainless steel appliances. The hall bathroom is wrapped in a dark colored square glass tile with a white grout and has a tub/shower combination with a large frosted window and a glossy, wood plank counter top with a shallow, white and box-like sink sitting on top. Normally Your Mama does not care for this trend towards dog-bowl like bathroom sinks, but this is about as good as it can be done as far as we're concerned.

Mister Harold made a half-assed attempt to modernize the master bedroom buy removing the original closet doors and replacing them with sliding frosted glass numbers. While the thought is good, there's something decidedly and disturbingly off-kilter in the final product. The other two wee-sized and wood floored bedrooms are even more visually distressing with their cacophony of mis-matched carpets. One includes a very messy desk and bookshelves and some kind of chair with hideously scrolled arms and the other a bunch of work out equipment that Your Mama can't identify because we don't bother with that nonsense. Of course these things are removed once the property sells. We can only hope Mister Harold thinks twice about moving all that college boy crap to his new crib.

All three bedrooms open to the back yard through sliding glass doors, which we like. The rustic back yard climbs up the hillside with a series of terraces, stacked stone walls and meandering pathways. After a booty busting climb through the native plants, one is high enough to look over the doo-plex roof and towards Glendale. Not the most inspiring view maybe, but it's really better than no view at all isn't it? Your Mama would suggest putting a hammock up at the top of the property which would be wonderful for settling into a long afternoon of reading and gin and tonics.

Perhaps the best thing Your Mama can say about this doo-plex is that if you're gonna live in a doo-plex this is the sort of doo-plex you want to live because the two units do not appear to share any common walls, floors or ceilings. This separation promotes privacy, peace and quiet. No one needs to listen to to their neighbors fight and fornicate through paper thin walls.

Of course, Your Mama hasn't any idea why Mister Harold would want to sell his doo-plex in a down market. But he his. Maybe he's moving his rust colored velour sofa and gym equipment to a single family home? That would be our guess, but again, Your Mama don't know a bowl of cereal from table lamp so the truth is we don't know nuthin' about Mister Harold's next real estate move. Whatever it may be we wish him luck and we wish he'd do it shirtless. Oh! Did we say that out loud?