Chapter 6

New York

Justin’s POV

And there I was – in Sydney’s kitchen in front of the dead fish she just killed. She was right – it was just a fucking fish I bought for dinner and I couldn’t even kill it. I felt so incapable, so fucking weak. “Never aim a target you can’t conquer”, I still heard her voice in my head. Fuck, did I always aim on targets I can’t conquer. But I conquered Brian, didn’t I? He was mine. Fuck, he even asked me to marry him, but I blew it up. I lost him. I went to this big and cold city. I thought it was my destiny. I thought Brian wanted me to go. To be the best possible homosexual I can be. To be the best possible person I can be. However, it was wrong. It all was wrong. I was in my best when I was with him; I made the right decisions when I was with him. Without him, I felt so lost. I remember those two years after I moved to New York. Lindsay was right – New York’s art world was waiting for me. I had just to show up. I was a sensation. Everybody wanted to meet me, talk to me. In Pittsburgh, I always felt like just a shadow of Brian. My friends were his friends, my home was his loft, and even all my fucking paintings were about him. Now in New York I was the center of everything. Everybody was interested in me because of me, not because I was that little blond boy who could hold Brian Kinney’s interest. Brian came to New York a few times but I was too busy for him – I had so many events to attend, people to meet, interviews to give. I was fucking popular. Fuck, I still can remember the art show we went to together. There was this sexy Broadway actor John Winfield. He was gay idol for years. He came to us and started to talk to me. He totally ignored Brian and flirted with me. Fuck, it felt so amazing. All my life was mostly going around Brian since I was seventeen and met him. Then suddenly I felt I didn’t needed him anymore. I suddenly could take care of everything myself, could make money by myself. For the first time in my life, I felt independent and it was so great. I didn’t notice it then but every day I pushed Brian further and further away. Yeah, officially, we were together but we weren’t close anymore. We were becoming strangers. Then Brian made a move. He said that he’s angry at himself for pushing me to go to New York in the first place. But most of all he’s angry at himself for the decision to call off the wedding. However, he is ready to make it right. He said again that he would do anything, be anything to make me happy because he loves me. He said he’s ready to move to New York. I remembered that amazing feeling of happiness when he told me all this on phone. He asked me to come to Pittsburgh for few days to help him pack everything, to help him leave his life in Pittsburgh and move to New York. I promised I’d come but I didn’t. I stayed too long in some fucking art show and missed my plane. I waited for the next one. I tried to call Brian but he didn’t answer. I was still in airport when Michael called and told me the bad news. Daphne was dead. After I didn’t come Brian got drunk and high in Babylon. He called Daphne. She went to take him home and then it happened – some drunk motherfucker crushed into them. Daphne was dead in the exact moment. Brian had his leg broken. It was my fault. I was fucking selfish little twat. Daphne died because of me and Brian could have died because of me. I just couldn’t face him. I couldn’t face anyone in Pittsburgh. I didn’t go to funeral – I just couldn’t. I stopped answering calls. Brian never called anyway. It was almost a year ago. Now I was all by myself. I had changed my phone number. Once or twice a month I sent e-mail to my mother to tell her that I’m ok. But that’s it, no other connections to Pittsburgh, to my old life. No strings attached, no friends, no job. Nothing. Yes, I was popular those two first years in New York, but after Daphne died, I lost it all. I closed myself in my apartment; I almost didn’t go out for weeks. I tried to paint but I couldn’t. I pushed myself but all my work was just a shit and I knew it. It wasn’t even half as good of what I made in those two years but even those paintings weren’t nearly as good as I did when I lived in Pittsburgh. Let’s face it – Brian always was my muse. Fuck, it only took me to loose him to understand that.
So here I was – I owned an old gallery which was closed. I had no money so I couldn’t open it. My landlord threw me out of my fancy apartment because I hadn’t paid two months already. I needed a place to stay. Fast. I needed to paint something and sell. I needed to make money or I’ll be totally out of it and left with only two options – find some job here in New York – as a waiter or something, or return back to the Pitts. I could imagine doing first one but I refused even to consider the second. I had trained myself not to think about the Pitts, about people I used to know there, about him… I never even in my thoughts mentioned his name. It was easier to just erase it all, to leave it all behind. It was the only way I could live it through, to fucking stay alive.
And then I met her. Fuck. The first moment I saw her – I felt something so familiar, so warm. It was all about her – Sydney’s temple is so fucking Brian’s loft alike, just a bit bigger and more light from the ceiling windows. And fuck – Brian would hate so many purple and violet. But it still was his impeccable, modern, expensive style what dominated in here. Now, when I look around – kitchen is planned the same way as Brian’s and you can find just fucking beer and Evian in her fridge. It made me smile. Strange, isn’t it? I tried so hard to forget everything about Brian, to forget his eyes, his style, his name. But then Sydney opened the door just before I was able to knock and that was it. She returned all my memories and suddenly I could remember it all with a smile on my lips. She drove the same car, she drank too much, she fucked everything that moves, she didn’t let people easily in her life, she knew how to make money and she loved her work. She was worried about carbs and fats in her food even through her body was perfect. Fuck, she liked to walk around naked with no shame, no complex. She knew she is beautiful, sexy, and incredible. She even talked like Brian. And she called me “birthday boy”. God, when she did it, I heard Brian’s voice when he called me Sunshine. I couldn’t help but smile. Yes, I’ve lost Brian, but now I have Sydney and all the memories she had returned to me and I could never thank her enough. I lost Brian but I won’t loose her. It wasn’t just a need, it was determination, it was a sudden main goal in my life. You can call me fucking crazy but I just knew – I can at last get back on track only if I’m around her, because she made me feel again. Feel something good, something warm in my chest.
Sydney came out of bathroom. She was naked – of course. She was cursing at herself. I could guess she had forgotten something in her bedroom. She went there and soon returned back to bathroom with some little flask in her hand. She didn’t even look at me. Not for a moment as if I didn’t exist at all, as if she had forgotten I live here now. But I knew she remembers. Just like she perfectly remembers my name but still gonna call me “birthday boy”. I knew Brian so well and that meant – I know Sydney too. Eight years ago under the streetlamp at “Babylon”, I met a God. Yesterday desperately hunting for a new apartment, I met a Goddess.
I quickly put the fish back into fridge, washed my hands and went to the living room. I took my sketchbook. Just last night I started new one and now it was already half finished. I drew all night. There were parts of naked woman on each page. Her breasts, legs, hands, belly, butt. There where her face, stubborn nose and her eyes. After a year suddenly I felt need to draw again, paint again. I had an image in my mind. I tried to sketch it just the way I see it. It wasn’t first time I’d sketch a woman. I had done it in PIFA years ago. But it was just a task in art class. Never before was  I interested in woman’s body, it never looked beautiful for me. But Sydney isn’t just some woman. She’s fucking Goddess. No, I’m not attracted to her body, I’m still gay. But she is fucking special and no one can deny it. I remember what Jack told me about her. She doesn’t do girlfriends, she doesn’t even do friends. But she looks after people around her, she helps people without taking any credit. She screams at you, she abuses you but in the end, she makes the best out of you: better musician, better person.
Sydney went out of bathroom. Naked just as I expected. I smiled to myself and put my head deeper into the sketchbook. I remember perfectly how to play those games. I was queening out and Syd felt not so good about how she had acted about my good intentions about dinner. I heard she opened the fridge and took another beer. But she didn’t go straight back to her bedroom. She stood there as if waiting for something. I acted as if I didn’t see her, didn’t hear her. However, I heard perfectly as she walked closer to me in the living room. I saw with my side sight how she was going through her enormous collection of CD’s. At last, she chose one and put on. The music was loud, full of noisy guitar sounds and beats. Then the low and angry voice started to sing:

“I try to make it through my life, in my way, there's you
I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do
Just don't deny it,
Don't try to fight this ,and deal with it
and that's just part of it,

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause i swear (i swear),i don't care”

I didn’t look up from my skatchbook, but with side sight I noticed that Sydney went to the window and lit a cigarrete. For a moment she looked through the window, then turned around, exhaled cloud of smoke and said:
- So, do you like them?
My hand stopped moving for a moment. Did she really asked my opinion about the music? I wasn’t ready to give up so easily. I didn’t answer anything, just shook my shoulders a bit and continued drawing.
- I don’t know… - She took a deep inhale. – Maybe I should sign them. They’re angry and the lyrics are good. What do you think?
It was too much for me. I looked up from sketchbook and met Sydneys straight gaze.
- Are you really asking me if you should sign this band?
She looked around the room as if looking for someone.
- Is there anyone else here? – She asked ironically.
- No, it’s just… - I didn’t know what to say. – I think they’re ok. – It was all I could think of.
- Their fucking light years are far from ok, but I can get them there. – She said proudly, with little smirk on her face. – First of all I need to change their name. They call themselves “Aeroamerica”. Can you fucking imagine that?
I smiled a little. She stood there naked, smoked her aromatic cigarettes and tried to make a conversation with me. I tried not to smile.
- Yeah, I guess “Aeroamerica” sounds a bit inappropriate.
- Hmmm, okay. – She just said. - By the way – I’m going to “Avalon”. Have you been there?
- No. – I have been just to “Heaven” – the only Manhattan’s gay club since I moved to New York. And I hadn’t been clubbing for a long time now.
- You should come. – Sydney said. – On Thursday’s they let new bands play all night. Ex-“Aeroamerica” will play tonight. Their bassist is gay.
- Nice, but I wanna finish my drawing. – I said. I didn’t want Sydney to introduce me to another Jack who would try to get in my pants. I guess I just wasn’t ready for that yet.
- Well, as you wish. – Sydney said and went to music system to turn off the music.
- No, let it on. – I said.
She didn’t say anything. Just went to her bedroom and I stared at her body from behind. She moved so gracefully and easy. I started new sketch fastly.
She came out of her bedroom after about half an hour. She was dressed in purple, very tight pants, black high heel boots, and black top and black leather jacket. She looked gorgeous.
- Have a nice evening, birthday boy. – She said as she went to the door. Then she stopped for a moment and turned around. – Hey, do you know how to make sushi?
- I… I… - I was very shocked. – Yes, I think I…
Syd interrupted me.
- I love sushi. – She said metter-of-factly and was gone through the door.
I sat there for a while looking at the closed door and a smile appeared on my face. I remembered the dead fish in fridge. Now I knew exactly what I’m gonna make tomorrow for dinner.

Lyric credit to Apocalyptica – I don’t care

Pittsburgh

It was a lovely neighborhood. The place where Michael lived. Like an outtake from an idyllic picture. Children running from time to time along the street, playing games, sun shining and making everything look bright and warm. While looking around through my car’s window, I drove up to the house given in the address. It wasn’t a big house, but it looked nice. It looked like a perfect place for a family to live. I smiled at this. I knew Michael had a husband named Ben and that they had adopted a son who’s name was Hunter. Michael also had a daughter, but she lived with her two moms Melanie and Lyndsey in Toronto, Canada. Lyndsey was also the mother of my brother’s son Gus. I was looking forward to meet Ben and Hunter!
I took the bags out of my car, there weren’t many. None of the furniture in my appartment had been mine, except for a painting that had taken my attention a year ago on ebay. As weird as it sounds, I didn’t know the artist. It was sold anonymously. The painting reminded me of my own feelings, it wasn’t warm and calm, it showed frustration, desperation and maybe even anger. It was all gray and black, except for a tiny yellow glow in what looked like a lantern. It was hard to tell what the place was, it looked like a street. And it showed two people, but you weren’t able to tell their gender. They could’ve been anyone. One of them was taller though, than the other one. The tall person was turned away from the smaller one and was walking away, but the smaller one had his arm raised a little towards the tall person, as if he’d want to reach out, but something was holding him back. It was as if he wouldn’t dare. Whenever I looked at it, I had a feeling like I had painted it myself, or even was the smaller person in it. I too, at that moment, had wanted to reach out, but hadn’t dared, wasn’t able to, until recently. When I had come home last night, after my shift at Leo’s, I had looked at the painting, and wished it would come alive. I wished for the smaller person to reach out towards the taller one. I wished the taller one would look back and would stay, not go away... Too bad I didn’t know the artist, I would’ve loved to see his other paintings, maybe even buy some of them. Of course, I didn’t hope that his or her’s other paintings would be as cheap as this one. This one had cost only 100$. In my opinion, a price too low.
When I had unloaded all my bags, I went up the stairs, threw down my bags and pushed the bell button. It opened. A young man, he looked my age, maybe a little younger, with dark blond hair, stood there with a quizical gaze.
„So, you’re the one?” he asked me.
I frowned. „The one?”
„Female part of Brian Kinney!” he said amusingly,”it’s funny actually, I never would’ve guessed that I would live to see it-...” He was interrupted by a stronger male voice.
„Hunter, stop talking nonsense. Lynn is our guest, and you can’t talk to our guests like that!” He spoke with a quiet authority. I guessed that this was Ben. He then continued. „I’m sorry, Lynn, come in!”
„Oh, thanks.” I replied and took my bags again, but was stopped.
„No, no, you go in, I’ll take care of these. You shouldn’t have carried them by yourself, they’re too heavy.”
„That’s ok, I’ve gotten used to have only my own help. But that’s nice of you, thanks.” I said and went inside, carrying only the painting, as Ben lifted my bags, very easily, which, in his case, with his muscular built, wasn’t any problem. Inside the house everything looked harmonic and cozy. The walls were a warm gray colour and what took my attention were the eastern furniture. On a closer inspection I also saw three statues of Buddha, one bigger than the other two.
„It’s supposed to bring you luck if you rub it’s belly!” Ben told me from behind. I turned and smiled.
„Has it worked?”
Ben smiled a knowing smile. „I think it has.”
I smiled back and said:”Then I will definitely try it.” I turned back to the statue and rubbed it’s belly.
„Michael will be back shortly, he went to the market to get some products we needed for dinner tonight. Do you like Asian kitchen?”
I turned back and went to my bags that lay on the living room’s floor. „I haven’t triend anything real Asian besides sushi, but since I love sushi, I think I would also like to at least try something else from Asian food!”
„Great! Well, as Michael probably told you, you’re free to stay here for as long as you wish, if you’re comfortable on sleeping on a couch.” Ben finished with a warm smile. I don’t know why, but there was something about him, that made me like him immediately. Michael was a really lucky person.
„No problemo, my old appartment can’t be even compared to your hallway, I think sleeping on your couch will feel heavenly after that!” I replied laughingly.
„Michael also told me, you’re a musician. And that you sing very beautifuly.” He said pointing with his gaze towards my guitar case.
„Umm yeah, I guess you could say that!” I said, a small blush creeping in my cheeks.
„I would love to hear you sometimes, that is if you give free concerts?” He asked with all seriousness.
„Yeah, that was one of the things I asked Michael, if you wouldn’t mind hearing guitar sounds from time to time.”
„We wouldn’t mind at all. Who knows, maybe you could even play tonight at dinner?”
„It would be my pleasure.” I assured him. Then I remembered something. „Would it be ok for me to hang one painting here?”
Ben looked back:”Yes, of course, as long as it’s not like the one your brother has at his loft.”
I laughed at that, remembering the painting of a naked man. „No, it’s completely innocent compared to that one!”
„Then feel free to hang it anywhere you wish!” he smiled and left.

Chapter 7

March 4, 2008, Friday
New York

Sydney’s POV

Headache is awful. Especially if you have spent all night in “Avalon” listening to new bands whom mostly don’t know how to play or sing at all. So you sit there, drink your twenty-something tequila shot and hope to hear at least one good performance through all night. And fuck it, but I got what I hoped for. I made happy ex-“Aeroamerica” when I told them I’m signing them and then “Glorious Scout” made me happy, because they old soloist was back. Fuck, fresh-blood-color-lips looked amazing in her short, black dress and big, black boots. I was pretty wasted by the time she showed up but of course, it didn’t stop me. It took me some time to get her a bit drunk and convince to go with me, because she thought she like cock not cunt. Hunting girls I like and turning them into at least bi if not dykes I always enjoy the most. It is game and I love to race. And I am pretty convincing if I want something a lot. I tasted her lips in backroom of “Avalon”. It was mix of different berries on her lips. They were so fucking sweet. I led her to orgasm with my hand, but that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to see her naked, I wanted to taste other lips of hers. I wanted to fuck her with my tongue. I wanted to make her never forget this night. Usually I take my tricks to temple. It’s always handicap being on your own territory. However, she was the one who drove and she took us to her apartment without asking. It was small, dark dump but she felt relaxed there so it was fine with me. It was morning when after ten-plus orgasms (I lost the count after the tenth) for both of us I fell asleep all sweaty, tired and still drunk. When I woke up, I found my blonde girl still asleep. Her lips were still bright red, but not from chap stick. It was my hard kisses what made them sore. Her blonde hair was messy and her head was on my breasts, her hand gently resting on my belly. For a moment, it felt quite good, but just for a moment. I wasn’t that type of dyke who cuddles in the morning after good sex. I never even stay till fucking morning, so what the hell I’m still doing here. I got up and there it was – terrible headache. I looked at my Swatch – it was fucking 2 pm. I couldn`t believe I had slept fucking half of the day. I went to the small bathroom and peed. Then I put on my clothes and took my car keys from little kitchen table. Headache was still terrible. The blonde opened her eyes.
- Good morning. – She said with smile on her lips.
- Hay. – I just said and continued dressing.
- You were amazing. – She said with dreamy look on her face. She got up from the bed and came closer to me. Her body naked and skin so pale. She looked beautiful. She put her hand on my shoulder. – I just never thought that… God, I never felt anything so great.
- The pleasure was mine. – I simply sad and sat on her bed to put on my boots.
She sat next to me and hugged me from behind.
- When will I see you? – Her mouth was so close to my ear I could feel her warm breath on it.
Fuck. This moment is why I never spend the night with trick and never let anyone spend all night in temple. There had been only one exception. Fuck, I will never make that mistake again. Won`t let anyone close.
- Sorry, baby. – I said and stood up. – It was just a one-night stand. But don’t worry – there are a lot beautiful women in New York. And till last night you were interested in men anyway…
- But I’m not. Not anymore. – I heard tears in her voice. – It was the best night ever. You are the best. No man had ever made me feel like you did last night.  I… I love you. – Yes, here they were – tears in her eyes.
Fuck.
I came closer and put my hand on her cheek.
- It’s ok. – I said. – You’ll get over me. Trust me – I’m not someone to fall in love with. You’ll find some sweet girl and be happy.
- But I don’t want some girl. I want you. – She put her arms around me and tried to kiss me. I didn’t let her.
- Sorry, you can’t have me. – My voice has become harsh.
- Please. – Now, she was crying. – Please…
I hate when they cry. I never cry. Not since I was sixteen and my parents threw me out of house with just one bag and fifty bucks in my pocket. They said I must forget I have ever had parents, because they will forget they ever had a daughter. Lesbian just couldn`t be their daughter. There are these moments in everyone’s life. You can call them crucial moments. You have two options – give up and lose it or live through it and become stronger.
- It was just a fuck. – I said in my coldest voice. – One night fuck. I liked how you sucked my klit but that’s all. I don’t remember your name and don’t want to. I never promised you anything, I never told you I felt anything, I never said I care. And the truth is – I don’t. So, get over yourself.
I turned around and went to the door.
- I hate you. – She screamed in hysteria. – You are a cold, heartless bitch.
I turned around and looked at her.
- It’s true. I am. But I’m still the best fuck of your life. – I opened the door and looked at her one last time. - And by the way, honey – you’ll make one hell of a dyke.
And I left her alone in her dump.
I got in my car and lit a cigarette. Fuck, I hate when someone cry. I took my cell phone. Eleven missed calls from Win - my advocate John Winters, who helps me with all the papers when I sign musicians and sell them to recording companies. I was already more than hour late for our meeting.
- Fuck, Sydney. It’s Friday afternoon. I refused to take shopping Alice and kids because of our meeting.
- You should thank me Win. – I smirked. – Alice would make you to run through all the boutiques of Manhattan.
- What happened?
- Nothing. I just was… busy. I’ll be there in two hours. I must get home and take a shower before that. I stink.
- I can imagine. How’d she looked?
Even though Winters is happily married heterosexual and has two children, we still somehow manage to have good relationship and understanding. Maybe because he’s quite horny. He is the closest person to what you call friend to me.
- Blonde, blue eyes, fresh-blood-colored lips. I’ll tell you more when I get there.
- Oki. Come soon. We’re making BBQ.
- BBQ? It’s fucking winter!
Win laughed.
- You know Alice.
- Yeah. I do. – And I ended the conversation.
I looked in my Swatch. Half past 2 pm. I felt dizzy and sleepy, but business first. And I was sure Alice have made salmon steaks specially for me. Only now I understood how hungry I am.
When I opened doors and entered temple, sleeping boy caught my eye. Justin looked so peaceful asleep on my purple cushions. There was a sketchbook and a cell phone next to him. I couldn’t help but smile a little. He really is beautiful, you just can’t deny it. I took the blanket from couch and wanted to cover him with it when he suddenly opened his eyes. I put back blanket before he could understand that I intended to cover him with it. I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t want to show him I cared.
- Sydney? – He looked at me as if I was ghost. – Fuck, Sydney, you’re alright? Where the fuck were you?
I raised an eyebrow at him.
- Not that it’s any of your business but well… I was drinking hard and fucking my brains out.
- It’s 3 pm. You were away all night and most of the day. I didn’t know what to do. I fucking called Jack and he gave me some numbers but no one knew where you are and…
- YOU DID WHAT???
It was too much. Fucking too much.
- I… was worried…
- I don’t need a fucking baby sitter. I go and I come when I want and I never give any explanations to anyone. I made a big fucking mistake letting you live here. Now I have to live with fucking fish in my fridge but I won’t live with someone trying to interfere in my life. If you wanna call Jack – call him, but not to ask about me. Fuck. – I couldn`t stop screaming at him. I was totally pissed.
- Sorry. I just… I… imagined you driving drunk and… Anything could have happened… - I heard tears in birthday boy’s voice.
Fuck, not the second time in one day.
- Fuck. – I just said but I wasn’t screaming anymore. Justin looked so fucking miserable. There were pain and sadness in his eyes. – Justin, listen to me. Are you listening?
- Yes. – He said but he wasn’t looking at me.
- I wasn’t driving drunk. The girl I spent night with drove us to her apartment. I guess I was too drunk so I fell asleep there and I woke up just about hour ago.
He looked at me. He still was sad and… scared.
- I must take a shower. I have a meeting.
I went to bedroom but then stopped, turned around and looked at Justin. He was looking at me with those big blue eyes of his.
- Do you like BBQ?
- What? – He seemed shocked.
- Get your fucking ass up and get dressed. I show you how people do BBQ in New York!
I didn’t wait for his answer. I needed shower. Fast.

Pittsburgh, March 4th

I needed money! I thought while drinking tee. Michael and Ben had gone to work, Hunter had gone out,too, so it was just me in the house. Right now I was going through some appartment adverts. But they all were so fucking expensive. With my salary at Leo’s I couldn’t afford to pay even half of the rent that was being asked. But where would I find another job? Today was a free day for me. But tomorrow I had a shift at Leo’s again. I could go to Marty and ask for a job, but I knew he wouldn’t hire me. Not that he didn’t want to, it was just business. Woody’s was a gay bar. And I was a woman. That explained it all. I turned a page, never really seeing a thing, just going through the words without really noticing them. Then something got my attention. Someone was selling wedding dresses. Wedding, didn’t that guy..., oh what was his name, oh right, Emmet, didn’t Emmet ask me to sing at the wedding party he was organizing? It wouldn’t be enough of course, but at least it would be something. I closed the newspaper and got up from the couch. I decided to go to the Liberty diner, maybe Emmet would be there, if not, I would call him. But it soon being lunch time, I would at least get something to eat. I quickly went to shower, put on some fresh clothes, took my car keys and went out.
It was 11:30am when I parked my car in front of the diner. It was too early for lunch yet, so there weren’t many people around. I reached for my bag, dropped on the passenger seat, but as I took it, my cell phone fell out. Shit! I had forgotten to shut my bag again. I reached for my cell that had fallen on the floor. I put it then in the bag and finally got out of the car. Then I went towards the entrance, but, probably, not really looking where I was going I crushed into someone.
„Would you watch where you’re going?” an angry voice shouted. I knew that voice.
„Umm, sorry, I didn’t see you.” I said.
„No, of course you didn’t. Now if you’ve decided to stop tread on my toes, would you please kindly step aside, so I could get my lunch?”
„Isn’t it too early for lunch?” I decided to annoy him a little. He really should stop treating me like that.
„Why do you care? And why are you here yourself? Decided to win over my friends so they could feel sorry for you?”
Now he was starting to make me angry. „I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. I never had and I never will.” I spat back.
„Boy, aren’t we grumpy today! Well, as I said, step aside.”
„And if I won’t? Haven’t you got any manners? Don’t you know that ladies go first?”
At this he started to laugh. „Oh, you’re funny, are you sure you’re a musician not a clown? You’d be a great clown!”
I didn’t respond. I just stood there and looked at him. „Would you come and see me then?” I asked seriously. That stopped him short. It was like he put up a mask.
„Probably not.”
„Why, because you wouldn’t have the time or because I’m your sister?”
He was quiet for a moment. Then he shrugged and said:”I still need my lunch.” Only this time he reached behind me, opened the door and pointed with his hand:”Would you care to go inside, lady?”
I looked at him, smiled and said:”Thank you.” Then I went inside. My brother just passed me as if completely forgeting I was there and went to sit on the bar chair at the counter. I went and sat next to him. That got his attention again.
„What are you doing?” he asked me annoyingly.
„I’m trying to get something to eat.” I said innocently. I knew that irritated him. Good.
„Didn’t you say for yourself that it was a little too early for lunch?” he asked arching his eyebrow.
„Yep, but what can I do, if my stomach asks for food?”
He turned to look away, gave a little laugh, then looked back. „Well you can go and sit somewhere else, I don’t want some pesky little thing disturb me while I’m eating!”
„Who said anyone’s going to disturb you? I’m here to eat, too, aren’t I? Frankly, I don’t see any problem.”
He got up from his seat. „Well I do!” And started to walk away.
„You know you won’t get rid of me, do you?” I asked silently. He stopped walking and not looking back said:” I know.” Then he walked out.
The minute the door closed a voice said:”Don’t worry, it’ll take time. But he will accept you.” Debbie said.
„I know, I just wish that there was some way I could see him more often!” I sighed.
„Well, you can always come work at the diner, we’re in need of a new waitress. The previus one decided she’s too important to work in a little diner.” Debbie said, irritation in her voice.
„Do you really? I mean, do you really need a waitress? I was just thinking this morning where to get a second job.” I said excitement in my voice.
„Yeah, you can start tomorrow if you want!”
„Oh, tomorrow I have a shift at Leo’s, but Sunday’s ok.”
„Well, then Sunday it is!” Debbie said with a smile and patted my arm reassuringly.
„Thank you, Debbie! You don’t know how grateful I am.” I reached out and hugged her.
„Let us see if you’ll be as thankful after your first shift!” she said.
„Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be ok!”
She just smiled and said wetting the end of her pen with her tongue:”So, what will it be today?”