Chapter 8

New York
Justin’s POV

I was on the roof of 34 floor building in New York. And I was BBQ-ing. Can you fucking imagine that?
I don’t know why Syd even asked me to come. She surely almost never takes anyone to Winters. I know it as fact because Alice had told me. Alice is amazing – she’s like younger, more elegant and much more polite version of Deb. She hugged me when Syd introduced me as birthday boy and asked me what my real name is. Syd just acted, as if she doesn’t remember my name so I introduced myself and Alice looked so exited. She told me her first boyfriend’s name was “Justin”. John was more reserved but still friendly. He looked very shocked and asked Sydney how long she knows me. She told that we’re sharing the temple. John’s mouth opened quite wide, but then he smirked and asked if Sydney is becoming straight or something and Syd just told him to fuck off. Alice immediately reproached her about using the F word in front of the kids. Syd looked totally annoyed and said she need a beer. John and Syd went off the enormously big roof terrace of Winters’ condo after beer and I was left there with Alice and Winters’ kids – five year old Sally and four year old Harry. I couldn’t help but smile. However, if you think about it I can easily see Alice being fan of “When Harry met Sally” – big enough fan to call her children in names of main characters.
Alice is very talkative. She talked all the time while I was helping her with the stakes and salad. She asked me how long have I lived in the temple and she was very surprised that I’m there just two days.
- You must be special. – Alice said with mysterious look on her face.
- Why? – I couldn’t help but ask.
- Actually you are second ever person she has introduced to us. Of course John knows a lot people from her bands, but that’s just business. He does all the paper work when Sydney signs new bands or sell them or their songs.
- Oh. How long do you know Sydney?
- Hmmm. It’s more than five years now. I was pregnant with Sally. John was working with “Rolston, McCormick, Jefersen and Eadle”. It was two years after we graduated from college. John was doing papers in divorce cases and he hated his job. We lived in that small apartment in Brooklyn. I worked in bar as waitress – we needed money. Sydney worked as bartender.
- Sydney – bartender?
- Yes. She was very good at that actually. All those drunk guys often got rude to waitresses. We got a bouncer but sometimes he didn’t got on time. Syd was always there. I mean – she just jumped over bar counter and was there to help. She saved me a few times.
- Saved you? But how? I mean – she’s woman and my height. – I didn’t understand.
- Haha. Oh, Justin – you just don’t know Sydney Daley if you ask that. She’s strong. I’m almost sure she can beat any man in anything. She can drink more than any man can, she can take away any girl she wants from anyone and she can beat up any bully. I have seen her get big guy on the floor just with one hit.
- You mean literally – Sydney can beat up guys? – I looked at Sydney. She was sitting next to John at the table, drinking and smoking.
- Yeah – Alice smiled. – You can’t tell it from appearance but if you ever see her in action… - Alice looked at Sydney for a moment then returned to stakes on grill. - If you ask her – she’ll never tell where she learned that. John is her closest friend - even if she’ll never admit she has friends at all I believe we are her friends. So, John is the only one she talks with sometimes. Then she’s usually hard drunk or high. We still don’t know everything about her. Just that she was in religious family and they kicked her out when she was still a minor.
- What? Why?
- They found out she likes girls. John said that they caught her with her best friends elder sister in the action. And they just kicked her out. She lived in some small town in North Carolina. When they kicked her out she traveled though all US. She worked in bars. I guess she got bored of America because she went abroad for few years. I don’t know where exactly but John thinks she’s seen most of the Europe and Asia. When she came back, she settled in New York – lived and worked in Brooklyn. In addition, there we met in bar. I guess someone told her my husband is lawyer because one day she asked me if I could give his number. She said she needed legal advisor. There’s how, it started. Six months after that John left his work and started his own lawyer firm. Sydney was his main client. And she helped him with money. She said that for that he would be her lawyer for forever and free. – Alice smiled. – After two years John had two partners and solid lawyer firm “Winters and partners”. He paid Sydney back all she had loaned. John was willing to keep the promise and be Sydney’s lawyer for free but she insisted he gets 10% of all business she does. She likes all to be clear and legal. Through these years, Sydney has been sued few times and John has won them all for her. Sydney likes to be wealthy. As far as I know her childhood was very poor and most of her life she was traveling around the world sometimes with just few bucks in her pocket. Then she decided she wants to have enough money to never worry about being out of it. And she does. Well then again, the more she earns, the more she spends. Her temple if full of very expensive, exclusive stuff as if she tries to get everything money can buy. That’s why I’m shocked she let anyone live there with her. Especially a guy. – Alice smiled.
I just stared at Sydney, thinking about everything Alice had told me about. Sydney has had a very varied life. When Craig in some way kicked me out, I had Deb’s house and Brian’s loft to stay. But she had fucking nowhere to go. I remember that even through I had friends, I had Jennifer and Deb, I even had Brian but I still felt so lost. She had no one. She left it all and went alone into big, unknown world.
Sydney looked my way and caught my gaze. I looked away immediately and I felt I flushed hard. Alice was looking at me and smiling.
- You like her. – She said.
- What?
- You like Sydney.
- I’m gay.
- But you still like her. – Alice wasn’t even a bit surprised about my confession being a gay. – I mean – you like her as a person.
- Yeah, I guess I do.
- Welcome to the club. – Alice smiled her gentle smile. – Everyone who has the opportunity to know her more than just as the dyke-who-goes-to-bars-and-clubs-every-night-and-fucks-everything-that-moves, likes her. “Like” is not even the right word. More like worships her. Because sometimes it feels like she’s some kind of adventure heroine from a movie or something. She is beautiful, smart, intelligent, but at the same time, she never worries about what other people think. She does what she wants, she says what she thinks. She never lies, never tries to be polite because it’s the right thing to do. Yeah, one thing more – no one knows how old exactly she is.
- How’s that? I mean – John does papers. He must know.
- On paper, she’s thirty seven.
Again, I stared at Sydney and then back at Alice.
- Can’t be.
- And it isn’t. When she was kicked out of home, she was a minor. She somewhere made fake ID as if she’s twenty one to work in night clubs. When after years she got like the real ID after she reported her ID stolen. They checked her personal information only by place she was working at that time. Her passport now says she’s born on 24th of December. But we know it’s not the real date. Sydney once told John that she chose this date just as joke because “fucking Jesus was born the same date”.
I couldn’t help but smile. It sounded like Sydney… and like Brian. But Sydney was just much more mysterious than Brian. Of course, even after those years together, I didn’t know a lot of things about Brian’s childhood and youth but I could imagine the background. With Sydney, it was different. There was no one who knew her for longer than five years. And I was pretty sure Sydney had no intention to tell her life to anyone. It all just made me more curious and attracted to her. Even through her life has been very different to Brian’s there was some main things in common. They both were from religious families and both weren’t loved. They both were afraid to trust people, to open themselves. And yeah – they both fucked everything that moves. The only difference between them – one liked pussy, but the other liked cock. However, if I think about it – Brian fell in love once and changed in the way. Has Sydney ever?
- Alice?
- Yes, Justin?
- You said I’m the second person she has ever introduced to you. Who was the first?
Alice’s eyes got sad.
- It was about year and a half ago. She took a beautiful girl here. She played guitar and sang. She lived in temple. Sydney said that she just didn’t had anywhere to go that’s why Sydney had taken her in. But the way Sydney looked at the girl… She will never admit it but I think she loved that girl. She called her Songbird. I have never seen Sydney smile so much. We saw Songbird for a few times and then she was gone. I don’t know what happened but Sydney didn’t sign any bands for about four months. She drunk more than usually and did drugs. John and I were worried. One day she called and told she’s arrested. Drug use. She spent one night in drunk tank and after that she somehow got back on track. She never mentioned Songbird again.
- Songbird… - I whispered to myself. Was it possible that Sydney had fallen in love once in her life and lost it? Who the hell was Songbird and why did she left? I had to know her name.
- Alice, do you remember…
But I was interrupted.
- Hey, you two little housewives – how long will it take to get a food? I’m fucking starving. – Sydney said as she put her hands on my shoulders.
I looked up at her and met her gaze. She was smiling. It was strange how good it felt to see Sydney actually smiling, not smirking or grinning but really smiling. And her hands on my shoulders felt so safe and protective… and friendly… and familiar.
- All’s ready, Syd. – I answered.

Pittsburgh

Brian’s POV

How I wish she would just leave me alone! Trotting after me like some lost puppy, with her silent pleas to be the brother she has always dreamed of. Someone should tell the girl that dreams are just that – dreams and they disappear as soon as the alarm signal goes off. Then we’re back in our fucked up lives and must continue to live in the shit we have made. A sister, I still can’t believe I have a sister! No, correction, I don’t have a sister! I can’t afford to have a sister, not now, not ever! And one day she’ll realize that and then she’ll be gone, just like everybody else.
I threw away my tie and went to the fridge to get a beer. Just what I need, something cold that would remind me to stay real. I took big gulps and the beer was gone in few seconds. What a fucking day it was! I had to work without having lunch, also my dear sister’s doing, annoying little brat that she is, then I was so busy that I didn’t have time for a proper dinner. And now, I’m back in my loft, tired as hell, there’s nothing normal to eat in my fridge and I’m too tired to go get something. I slammed shut the fridge and went to lay down in my bed. Ahhh, that felt comforting. I closed my eyes for a short moment. Then a knock woke me up. Fuck! Who the hell could that be? I hope it’s not my beloved sister come to torment me with her clever remarks. Though gotta admit, the girl has a sharp mind! I let out another curse as my feet took me closer to the door. My shoes were off, my tie lay somewhere on the floor, my shirt was partly undone – in one word, I was a complete mess. I put my right hand on the wall and pushed open the door with my left. The secont the door was opened, my feet went cold and felt like big ice cubes, but my heart had taken up a wild rythm. I couldn’t manage to say anything, just stare. Stare at those wonderful blue eyes, those soft blond hair, those sweet lips that I could go on kissing forever and never get tired of doing so. I could even give up breathing as long as he was there beside me, I needed nothing then, just him, just to feel him near me. God, how I had missed him! And now that I saw him standing before me, I didn’t understand how I had lived this last year? The thing is, I haven’t lived, I had existed.
„Justin?” I managed barely. He continued to do nothing, just stand there, his eyes unreadable, when all I wanted to do was to wrap him in my arms and never let go.
„Brian?” he said without any emotions.
„What...what are you doing here?” I asked him.
„I came to see you,” he just answered.
„Why...why now? Is...is something wrong?” I asked alarmed.
„No, it’s just been almost a year. I thought you missed me, didn’t you miss me, Brian?” he asked me. He sounded almost angry. Something wasn’t right. I mean, it was Justin and I wanted to grab him by his shirtfront, slid my hands into his hair and kiss him senseless, but, at the same time, I was afraid! I wasn’t afraid of Justin, I was afraid of him pushing me away. I had waited so long for this moment, when he would be standing in front of me, when I would be able to touch him, to feel him again. But what if he had come to say something bad? What if he had met someone else and now had come here to tell that it’s finally over? That I could now stop waiting for him. Only what he didn’t know, was that I would always wait for him, that I would continue to live my life with the hope that we would someday be together again.
„I...I, you know I did,” I said silently and not being able to stop myself, I lifted my right hand to touch his cheek. His skin was as smooth as I remembered it. It was like touching a feather shined by a warm sunshine. I continued to caress his cheek, slowly sliding my hand into his hair. Then he raised his own hand and put it above mine, sliding it further behind his neck. Then he stepped closer and I could feel his chest pressing against mine. That was my undoing! I grabbed him violently and started to kiss him with all the hunger that had been growing inside me since the last time I saw him. It was a year, but it felt like eternity! While our tongues were dueling like two swords in a sunrise, I felt his other hand slowly sliding down my chest to press against my cock. He was rubbing it through the cloth of my pants. But that wasn’t enough! Apparently he thought the same because soon I felt him unzipping my pants and then there was only skin against skin. His soft palm rubbing my hardness. I let out a loud moan. God! How had I survived without it? It was paradise to feel him touching me like that. To be so close with him again. Nobody else had this power ower me, no one, except Justin! Then, all of a sudden, he stopped.
„Why did you stop?” I moaned in his hair, „Please don’t stop, I need you!” I whispered against his ear.
„You killed her!” he said angrily, „You killed Daphne!”
A cold tremor run down my spine. Daphne, oh God, Daphne, the accident... „No! No, it wasn’t my fault, it was an accident, a terrible accident-„
„YOU KILLED HER! HOW COULD YOU? SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!” He shouted and shoved me away from him. I covered my ears with my both hands and closed my eyes.
„I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, she...I...we, I was high...the driver...the blood. Oh God, there was blood everywhere, Daphne, oh God, Daphne. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, please Justin, don’t leave, please don’t.” I fell on my knees, I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. Then suddenly, there was nothing. Silence. I felt warm breeze against my face. I opened my eyes. Justin was gone, loft was gone. It was a warm spring day and I was sitting in front of a grave. I hadn’t been to cemetery since Daphne’s funeral, and even then I hadn’t stayed for long. I had left almost the minute I came. It was my fault she had died! I had called her that night. It had all happened because of me...A hand touched my shoulder, I turned around and saw her! Daphne! But how? She was dead! It wasn’t possible!
„Brian?” she spoke to me. I had lost my language. I couldn’t speak.
„How are you Brian?” she continued to speak to me. She was beautiful, wrapped in a warm glow and she was smiling, she was smiling at ME! And strangely, I wasn’t afraid then.
„I’m... I’ve been better.” I just replied. I didn’t know what to say. What where the topics you talked about with dead people?
Daphne chuckled. „I noticed. You should take care more of yourself. You work too hard!”
„That’s the only thing that keeps me sane these days. I don’t know what else to do...”
„Poor Brian!” She touched my cheek gently. I bent my head and turned it towards the grave. Then I saw what was written on it. It’s wasn’t Daphne’s grave! The name that was written on the grave was Aislinn Davis. And the years were 1987 – 2008! I turned my head back towards Daphne. She had tears in her eyes now.
„It wasn’t supposed to happen! She was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. You tried to save her, but you arrived too late, they had killed her already.” Daphne’s hand slid away from my cheek, she lifted her eyes from the grave and looked at me. No, I thought. Lynn was ok, she was alive, she continued to be a pesky little baggage whenever we met! Nobody had killed her! This wasn’t true! No, no, NO!!!
„NO!” I shouted.
Daphne continued to cry silent tears and just looked at me.
„I’m very sorry, Brian!” then she started to disappear.
„NO!” I was shaking my head violently,”Lynn isn’t dead, she’s alive! She’s alive, do you hear me? Alive!”
Lynn, LYNN! I woke up. It was dark already. I was still in my rumpled clothes and all covered in sweat. And I was cold. But not from the outside. I was cold from the inside. What the fuck had just happened?
***

Lynn’s POV

The doorbell rang.
„Lynn, would you please answer it!” Michael called from the kitchen. He and Ben were making dinner. And no doubt doing something else. I laughed a little and pushed myself up from the couch to answer the door.
„Mik-„ my brother started to say, but stopped when he saw me. His expression became weird then, too.
„This is a surprise, Michael didn’t say anything about dinner guests!” I said.
„I’m not a guest. I’m a family!” he replied, the weird expression still on his face. I frowned.
„That’s strange, Michael didn’t tell me he had adopted you, too!” I teased. But what surprised me was that he didn’t snap back at me. He just...stared?
„Are you ok?” he asked me then. Did I hear him correctly, did he really ask me if I ok? It wasn’t April 1st today, or was it? I felt extremely confused. Only this morning he had stormed out of the diner just because I had sat next to him.
„Are you asking me if I’m ok?” I asked my brother incredulously.
„Haven’t you washed your ears? Yes, I asked if you were ok!” he answered annoyingly.
„I...I think I am, but are you ok? Why are you all of a sudden asking me if I’m ok?”
„I...Never mind. I see for myself that you are. Now tell me, what the hell are you doing here?”
„Well, currently I’m speaking with you, but in general I live here!”
„You live here?” he asked in shock. „Being professor’s wife has made Mikey become a fucking charity nurse!” he finished with one of his sarcastic laughs.
„Considering he’s a complete stranger to me, but nevertheless has agreed to help me, says only that he is kind, which is more than I can say about you, my own brother!” I snapped back.
„I told you not to call me like that. I’m not your brother!” he said angrily.
„Like it or not but you are. And what, if I might ask, are you doing here?”
„I’m hungry. I didn’t get lunch because of you, remember? Thought I visit the good Stepford faggs for a nice warm dinner. Though if I’d known they had a street urchin in their house, I’ve probably gone to a fucking restaurant!”
I crossed my hands in front of me and said:„You can still make it, if you would just turn around and go back to your car!”
„No way, I must save on gas, economical crisis is coming! Or haven’t you heard?”
„I have, I just didn’t think you concerned yourself about such things!” I said amused.
„Better to save on gas than to save on clothes! Now let me in!”
„Be my guest,” I said and stepped aside to let him in.
At that moment Ben came in the hallway. „Oh, hi, Brian, didn’t know you’ll be coming.”
„Yes, well, thought I make a surprise. Surprise!”
Ben just shook his head and went to get Michael. Apparently he has already used to unexpected guests in my brother’s form.
Brian Kinney looked as splendid as always. Black pants, black shoes and blood red shirt, no doubt all designer clothes. He walked inside the living room. I followed. But when I came in, I saw that he was looking like thunder struck at my painting which I had hung on the wall just this morning. As I came closer, he turned to me.
„Where did you get it?” he asked angrily. What had I done again? It seemed that everything about me angered him.
„On ebay.” I replied unsurely and watched as he came closer to me.
„Who’s the artist?” he asked me fastly, now gripping my arm painfully.
„I...I don’t know, it was sold anonymously. I...I bought it for only 100$!” and then because his grip was becoming really painful:”Would you please LET. ME. GO! You’re hurting me!”
At that he released me and stepped back. I rubbed my arm keeping my gaze on him.
„I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
„It’s ok, but what did I do to you this time?” I asked him, but to no avail, because his gaze was turned towards the painting again. It looked like he had forgotten about me completely. He started to talk, almost as if talking to himself.
„This painting, it looks just like his! No, it can’t be!” he murmured.
„Who’s he?” I asked but he ignored it, instead he asked me:”When did you get this?”
„I don’t remember, last year I think, in May maybe?”
He turned back again.
„It must be his!” he said silently, and then barely audible, but I still managed to hear him:”Justin...”
Justin? The same Justin that Debbie and Michael had told me about? The same Justin who broke my brother’s heart? At this moment, seeing the hurt and pain in my brother’s gaze, for the first time, since I got the painting, I hated it! I hated it so much that I wanted to throw it out, or rip into tiny, million pieces! Anything, so as not to see my brother in such pain!