Elena is terrified of Damon on an emotional level. I mean absolutely bats*** scared of what he makes her feel and what he could do to her. And I mean put yourself in her shoes. We'll mostly leave out the part where she's dating his brother and just start here.

You're Elena, right? And you're faced with this guy who when you first meet him is too smooth, too charming, too glib. There's a double meaning behind everything he says. So even before you find out he's a vampire and that he's mostly this really ruthless cold hearted killer, you know there's something up with him and it already plays on your mind.

Then you find out the truth about him and you're a little scared but mostly you're just turned off by the idea of some one who is so detached that he can do horrible things and not care; convince himself that they don't matter.

Despite your disdain though, you can't deny that he's gorgeous. He has these amazing eyes that seem to create electricity all by themselves and you can't stop staring at his mouth. You've maybe even dreamed about kissing him or undressing him. You tell yourself that this is insane because he's your boyfriend's brother and a people eating vampire but that doesn't do any good. You're still drawn to him.

You figure that you might be able - just barely - to handle it if it was only a physical attraction. But you don't get that lucky. Somewhere along the line - it's so subtle that you're not even sure when it started to happen - you start seeing this spark that's hidden in him; it's just this barely discernible glimmer of something not evil. You find yourself trying to get a better look at it, trying to bring it closer to the surface. You find that you actually want to understand this man, you want to see into his soul and figure out why he does the things he does and what happened to him in his life to make him act so cold when more and more you see that he's actually burning inside.

The hate and the wariness and the distrust you used to feel towards him starts melting. But there's an obstacle. He's in love with this woman. He's been in love with her for longer than you've been alive and he'll do anything to get back to her including threaten you and people close to you.

But you've come to an understanding with him now; you get it. It's all about love. Everything he does - that fire you see under the surface, those sparks of humanity - they're all about love and you find yourself wanting to do what you can to help him hold onto those things.

And when his heart gets broken because that bitch wasn't rotting in the ground like she was supposed to be, you hurt too. You can't help going to him and wrapping your arms around him and trying to make it better and even though you know you can't, for a moment you think you would actually give anything to be able to.

You worry about him. Right up until you find out he's the guy who turned your biological mother into one of the undead. You get so frustrated and cranky because he's always doing this to you. Just when you think you have him figured out, just when you think that that glimmer is for real, he does something to prove you wrong. But then, just when you've decided once and for all that there isn't any hope for him, he turns around and proves you wrong about that too.

He helps you rescue your boyfriend/his brother and he actually lets his guard down for a few seconds so that you can see he really understands what you're feeling; he gets it. And it surprises you because you weren't sure he could.

Things start to go south with the bf. New diet and really bad side effects. But he is there for you. He lets you call the shots but you know that he has your back. He's not going to let anything happen to you and you feel safe with him. It's kind of disturbing when you realize that you've started to trust him so much.

And it doesn't get any easier for you to wrap your mind around when your biological vampire mother blows into town and announces that he's in love with you. You want to think that she's just trying to freak you out but there's something in his eyes that makes you wonder if...

Then the worst 48 hours in the history of the world happen. Both he and the boyfriend nearly die thanks to your biological father's asinine anti vampire plans. It turns out that your doppelganger - the one who broke his heart -is back. She tried to kill your biological father - you had to call an ambulance for him and then make sure your brother hadn't turned into a vampire.

You're already kind of close to the edge - oh did you mention that one of your best friends was in a car accident? - when he says something about having kissed you on the porch. You don't know what he's talking about but soon realize that it was the "other" you that was on the porch with him. Your boyfriend's mad jealous but you...well you keep saying that you'd never do that but the truth is that you're not really sure. And you're a little bit - though you'd never admit it - upset that it wasn't you on that porch.

And you're worried about him. She's back and she's his kryptonite. Or so you thought until he told you that he didn't need her to drive him over the edge. And the way he looked at you when he said that you were scared. For a second you thought that he meant...well it doesn't matter because it's not true. He doesn't scare you. No way. Not uh. He's your friend. You care about him. End of.

And your heartstrings are pulled - once you get over being startled - when you find him sitting on your bed. He looks so forlorn and you realize that he's upset and he's been drinking. He looks sad and you have that damned urge again to want to make it better.

Right up until he starts flipping emotional tables on you and calling you a liar. He's telling you things that you don't want to hear because part of you is worried they are true. He wants to prove that you don't just care; that maybe deep down you love a little bit and you just know that if he does all hell is going to break loose and that can't be allowed to happen.

So you pull away and you tell him that he's better than this and that you love his brother, that it will never be him. And you hate that you have to do this but right now your self preservation instincts are screaming. You don't want to hurt him but the alternative - letting the whole of your emotional world fall to pieces- you can't do that either. It's only been a few months really since you stuck all the pieces back together after your parents died. You can't go down that road again. Not with someone like him who is so intense and unpredictable. When you feel good with him you feel amazing but when things are bad, it feels insurmountable.

But you have no idea how bad things are about to get because in the blink of an eye he's got your brother by the neck and there's this sick snapping sound and then you're cradling your baby brother's dead body in your arms. And you're in shock. You can't believe he'd do this to you. You hate him. You really think - even though your brother comes back to life - that you're going to hate him forever now.

Only...you're angry and you're really really hurt but you can't hate him. So you start to hate on yourself just a little bit. You start to wonder what the hell is wrong with you that you can't hate the man who killed your brother. You defend him and you save his life when your bff tries to kill him.

You find yourself on a road trip with him and the teacher and he saves your life. He takes an arrow to the back for you and there's a couple of seconds that stretched like eternity in your mind where you thought he could be dead and you felt your whole body, your mind, your soul, everything reject that possibility. You mind doesn't even want to contemplate a world that he's not in, no matter how mad you are at him. You realize that and it actually makes you angrier.

You want to lash out at him because he's in your bloodstream and you can't get him out. You can't not care about him. So you use the power you've just discovered to get what you want and when he confronts you, you don't deny it. You take all of his vulnerability and his emotions and his honesty and you throw it back in his face because now isn't the time. You wanted these things from him before and you're furious with him for offering them up now when he knows that you can't accept. He lets you in when you know that you have to shut him out.

But he leaves you with a parting shot that pierces that wall of hate you're struggling so hard to keep up. He tells you -in his way - that you hurt him. Badly. It's the second time that the man who never admits that he's hurt has told you that you've wounded him.

And you, you don't want it to be like this and that is the single most terrifying thought in your head right now; that this man could mean so much to you that you would forgive something that you know should be unforgivable. You know that if you ever get close to him again, that if you let your self *gulp* love him, you're going to be more vulnerable than you ever have been before.

He'll have the power to completely destroy you and you're not convinced that he wouldn't ever use it. You've learned to trust him with your life but you can't trust him with your heart even if you think he might be trusting you with his.

And it kills you and it makes you crazy because really deep down you know you want to.

by Ciara